All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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