All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
