I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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