that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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