I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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