Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
