The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize