I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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