It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
