I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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