i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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