dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
