you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
