I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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