I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
