Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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