Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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