I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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