I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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