Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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