im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
