Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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