Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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