i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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