Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
