drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize