White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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