so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
