MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
