Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
