i dont even know how to be here
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
