just tell him i said nine months
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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