My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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