On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
