There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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