I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
