there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
