so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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