My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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