I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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