Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
