I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
