I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
