How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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