his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
