when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
