closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My vagina is officially offended.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
