genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
