absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
