So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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