it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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