Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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