fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
