how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
