Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
