How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
