I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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