Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
