it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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