It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
