me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
