I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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