Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
