Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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