I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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